laps

Waco, TX

Kat and I have been regularly swimming this summer and it has been exactly what I need.  

It forces me to slow down.  My breathing is slower.  I can’t talk or listen to music.  I am forced to focus on moving through the water.   I can only see the white concrete that is under me.  

I am learning to focus on the present moment.  Not on past failures or fearfully contemplate what lies ahead.  Instead of anxiously planning my days out, stuffing them full of busy activities, I am learning to let them unfold on their own.  

I am being taught to focus on living the present.  

Ann Vokscamp helped me understand rest in One Thousand Gifts.  

She writes, “Wherever you are, be all there. I have lived the runner, panting ahead in worry, pounding back in regrets, terrified to live in the present, because here-time asks me to do the hardest of all: just open wide and receive.” 

This is what I have always done.   However, I am learning that I am enough.  I don’t have to go scampering around, exhausted, looking for merit badges to cover me up.   Nothing I grab for will ever fully satisfy me, and nothing I do will ever add up.  It’s all God.  He makes me more than enough.  

 I am learning to let my striving cease and just be.

New beginnings

Waco, TX

Kat and Lynette are both moving.  

Lynette is moving to Seattle to do the Discipleship training school at Antioch in Seattle. 

Kat is moving to Dallas to attend Baylor nursing school.  

I love watching these two be brave.  It is difficult to leave a familiar life behind, especially when it seems to be moving on without you.  

I want my next transition to be easy, but in the past change has been shockingly difficult for me to swallow.  

However, if nothing changes we would just settle into what we have now.  It is like sitting in a bathtub for way too long.  Yes, it was awesome and warm when you first got in, but now it is just lukewarm.  Furthermore, there is a fireplace in the living room waiting for you.   Yes, you will have to endure the coldness and the hassle of moving and changing, but duh, it is so worth it.  

I remember despising the transition to Baylor.   The City of Waco scenery was harsh on my eyes and the hot, concrete I-35 (surrounded by fast food signs) was a drastic change from the forest-y roads I grew up near.  

I felt weird being a student.  Living amongst people my age all day was strange.  Suddenly I was sharing meals, rooms and classrooms with people my age, all day.  It felt like camp but it was all the time.  I had the weirdest yearning to be around a bunch of babies, or chat with an old person.  

Living in a dorm room was funny too, because you could see every aspect of your life sprawled out in front of you.  Your toothbrush, your cereal boxes, and your clothes are in plain view staring at you.

Looking back, I laugh about how much I dis-liked Waco.  I remember the way I felt so clearly.  That feeling went away with time.  

I began to have deep friendships.  Foreign places became familiar as I created memories in them. I had my own routine.  

The City of Waco and I had developed a unique relationship .

Ah, what if I just would have given up and left? What if I had really believed the way I felt about everything was just going to last forever, or get worse? 

Relationships with new cities and new seasons take work and time just like our relationships with people.  

I am excited for Kat and Lynette as they move on.  God has more in store for us than we can ask or imagine (crazy).   I am learning I have to get past those initial weird emotions, and embrace them.  God is using everything to show us His love and glory.

I think he also likes for us to be able to look back and laugh at ourselves, and rejoice in how far He has brought us.  From glory to glory! 

" He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."

-1 Thessalonians 5:24

Reflections

Kingwood, TX

Prayerfully, I have been trying to pursue my passions.  I do not want to toss aside the gifts God has given me.  I do not want to waste life and not fully live.  These are the most typical statements, but I find it interesting how difficult this comes for me.  

I find myself often believing the lie that if the activity I am doing is not particularly “useful” or blatantly “spiritual”, then it cannot be pleasing to God.  

However, God is kindly showing me He delights in all I do.   Even seemingly mundane actions, when I do them to glorify Him.  On the contrary, nothing is ordinary when Christ lives in us.  

As A.W. Tozer writes in the Pursuit of God, “Long Held habits do not die easily.  It will take intelligent thought and a great deal of reverent prayer to escape completely the sacred-secular psychology.  

For instance, it may be difficult for the average Christian to get hold of the idea that his daily labors can be performed as acts of worship acceptable to God by Jesus Christ.  The old antithesis will crop up in the back of his head sometimes to disturb his peace of mind.  

Nor will that old serpent, the devil, take all this lying down.  He will be there in the cab or at the desk or in the field to remind the Christian that he is giving the better part of his day to the things of this world and allotting to his religious duties only a trifling portion of his time.  And unless great care is taken, this will create confusion and bring discouragement and heaviness of heart.”

“Let us believe that God is in all our simple deeds and learn to find Him there”. 

I want to believe this in my daily routine of eating, drinking, driving and conversing.  

I also want to steward the passions He has given me, and believe in faith that He accepts them, and created me for a purpose. 

Tozer also writes, “It is not what a man does that determines whether his work is sacred or secular, it is why he does it.   The motive is everything.  Let a man sanctify the Lord in his heart and he can thereafter do no common act.  All he does is good and acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.” 

I want to find God in the smallest things. In the quietest moments.  I want to find him in my eating, drinking, driving and daily conversations.  I want to believe I really can perform no common act.  

For me, it requires courage to do this.  I am praying God helps me believe everything we do is “incense to Him”, as one friend put it.  

I want to be a part of all He gave Himself for.  

“I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)” (John 10:10).   

Lessons learned from my mom

Houston, TX

As she loves me through my mess, my unjustified irritability, and my selfishness, my mom has shown me that love is patient, long suffering and keeps no record of wrongs.  

By watching her example I understand I do not have to build my life on my passing crazy thoughts and fickle emotions. 

My mom has taught me how to rest.  I do not have to freak out, strive or perform, because I am not defined by the things I do.  I am defined by who God says I am.  

When I am with my mom, the seemingly insignificant pieces of life become wonderful.    We can talk about the most ordinary things while doing the most mundane things and completely enjoy ourselves.  I realize happiness grows from being thankful for the tiniest parts of life.  

She has shown me how to love people by listening closely and remembering the details. 

God delights in us and promises to fight for us.   My mom has demonstrated that to me.   She rejoices when I win and she fights with me to overcome all my biggest battles.